Unwritten rules of Metra commuting

(2/22/2006 @ 7:14 PM)
I’m 14 minutes away from my train stop, and Fresh Out of College Leather Jacket Guy has been on his cell phone since before we left the station. I saw at least 4 people sitting nearby him try to make his head explode using venomous stares on par with the woman ice-dancer that stared down her partner after he f-ed up their medal hopes with 5 seconds left.

I don’t care if you’re the world’s quietest talker, a veritable mute, there are some serious unwritten rules for conversations with people not present. Namely, you end them as quickly as possible and get back to any one of the sanctioned set of silent activites (reading, sudoku, anything unconscious).

Alright, this is freaking ridiculous. The same guy is now lying down across 4 seats and STILL on the phone 50 minutes later. At this point any self-respecting Metra conductor would throw him off the train, into a lightpost, ideally at top speed.

Much like at 13 when I got banned from the Iron Wolf rollercoaster for sticking my leg out during the ride, this person should never be allowed on a train again.

Lets start from the middle

I started this blog because a man picked his nose, and then he ate it.

On Tuesday, February 21st at 7:24 AM I looked over at ‘93 Nissan Sentra Guy waiting next to me at the stoplight, saw him start to pick his nose, begged myself to turn away, couldn’t, then watched in slow-motion horror as he proceeded to eat his hardfought nasal treasure. In all my nearly 3 years of making this 2-hour door to door commute, that was possibly the grossest thing I’d ever seen… but not by much.

It was awful, and no one was there to share in the awfulness with me.

Weird crap like this happens to everyone saddled with a daily commute, no matter how you get to work or the time it takes to get there. Sometimes its seeing a guy eat a booger, other times it’s a profound thought achieved only after 60 minutes of listless staring out the train window. Either way, it makes for interesting reading.

Thus, Mike’s Commute was born.